The Further Adventures of “Mark SureWould”

Former Nevada Assemblyman Mark Sherwood biking back to his Motel 6 after striking out with the babes on Malibu Beach this summer

As noted earlier in the week, FORMER Assemblyman Mark Sherwood started up his own lobbying firm just a week after leaving office…despite co-sponsoring a “cooling off” bill that would have prohibited such a quick revolving door after his one and only session.So let’s add “hypocrite” to the long list of attributes associated with this bonehead.

And in case there are any unsuspecting potential clients out there who don’t know exactly what a doofus this guy is, allow me to share another “true” story in our ongoing “Further Adventures of Mark SureWould” series.*

On his summer vacation to California this year, SureWould was walking along the beach in Malibu. There were many beautiful women lying in the sun, and he really wanted to meet one. But try as he might, the women didn’t seem to be at all interested.

Finally, as a last resort, he walked up to a Frenchman lying on the beach who was surrounded by adoring women.

“Excuse me,” SureWould said, taking the guy aside, “but I’ve been trying to meet one of these women for about an hour now, and I just can’t seem to get anywhere with them. You’re French. You know these women. What do they want?”

“Maybee I can help a leetle beet,” said the Frenchman. “What you do ees you go to zee store. You buy a leetle bikini sweeming suit. You walk up and down zee beach. You meet girl very qweekly zees way.”

“Wow! Thanks!” said SureWould…and off he went to the store. He buys a skimpy red bathing suit, puts it on, and goes back to the beach. He parades up and down the beach but still has no luck with the ladies. So he goes back to the Frenchman.

“I’m sorry to bother you again,” said SureWould, “but I went to the store, I got a swimsuit, and I still haven’t been able to meet a girl.”

“Okay,” says the Frenchman, “I tell you what you do. You go to zee store. You buy potato. You put potato in sweeming suit and walk up and down zee beach. You will meet girl very, very qweekly zees way.”

“Thanks!” said SureWould…and runs off to the store. He buys the potato, puts it in the swimsuit, and marches up and down the beach. Up and down, up and down he walked…but the women would hardly even look at him.

After half an hour SureWould can’t take it anymore and goes back to the Frenchman.

“Look,” he says, “I got the swimsuit, I put the potato in it, and I walked up and down the beach, and still nothing! What more can I do?”

“Well,” said the Frenchman, “why don’t you try moving zee potato to the FRONT of zee sweeming suit?!”

Would a former state assemblyman really be that dumb? Sure Would!

(*Yes, this is satire. Yes, I borrowed the joke and tweaked it a little. No, I don’t know who the original author was.  And no, that’s not really a picture of SureWould.  So sue me.)